Electrical Failure Due To Lack Of Respect

I’m going to miss my ‘stories’. Judge Judy is on in an hour and there is still no clear indication of when the electricity will be back. I have been productive though. I took myself out to lunch at Toto Vietnamese in Victoria Park and then I spent an hour in Crow Books bookshop and found this little gem.

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It’s a graphic novel called ‘The Kurosagi Corpse‘. It came in plastic wrap and intrigued me enough to just buy it on the spot, right there and then, feeding my compulsive hands. Usually I’d have a good flick through to get a gist of what it’s all about but like I said, plastic wrap and opportunity didn’t present itself. Translated from Japanese and described as an “intensely disturbing one-volume story”. It should be good.

Respect.

We don’t get it enough and we certainly don’t give enough of it. I personally feel as though that I give too much of it. Whilst driving, I always try to be courteous let the guy into the lane I’m in, I buy my friends coffee when we catch up, I’m genuinely grateful and I always (for the most part) mind my p’s and q’s.

Lately, I haven’t been so friendly. Maybe I let my ego get the better of me or maybe I’m just sick of the bullshit. I think it’s the latter that describes how I feel the best.

Why should I have to say ‘hello’ first? I can see what the other person is thinking. “Oh, there’s Sibus. She has this big underlining issue with me. Actually I even think she doesn’t like me.” What I’m really thinking is, “You look busy or you’re talking to someone or you’re doing something. I don’t want to interrupt.”

Social gatherings are interesting too. Especially with girls. I went to a gathering thing a few weeks back and I walked up to this girl and said, “Hey, how are you?” In a jovial tone, I was smiling. She pretty much just ignored me and dragged a chair up to a group of other girls (mutual friends) that we were sitting with. It’s not like we didn’t know each other either. I see her at least a couple times a week and we chat. I didn’t think much of it and a week after the fact, I saw her and she came up to me and started talking.

Social situations can be tough to navigate. I’ve noticed that some people get this elitist “I’m better than you” attitude and it’s sad, really. I’ve had a few friends say to me, on separate occasions in their own words, “I just want to quit. I don’t feel like I fit in.”

I don’t have time to talk smack or worry about the things that don’t concern me. I have my own shit going on. It’s time to re-focus, stop worrying about the person next to you and get some goals, yo! GET_SOME_GOALS.

OMG.. Hahahahaha! I’m sitting here, typing away in the dark and thinking that the power still was disconnected when Chups walks in and turns on the light.

It’s TV time. Don’t hate.

Sibus x

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Love. Because.

And love me, still, when I am difficult.

Sibby x

Biker Mice From Mars

Nothing is hotter than a mouse in leather. Ah yes, the juvenile me. If I wasn’t burning water beetles on my fathers oil drum on a forty degree day, I was daydreaming about mice. On bikes. Clad in leather.

I’ve been absent. There was that holiday to Singapore and when I returned home there was much to do.

I realised that – You CAN outrun responsibility.. But not for very long and certainly not forever.

C’est La Vie.

Are the French always so pessimistic?

Sibby x

Some Days

Run with the Wind by Dappled Cities on replay.

I just want to lay on the floor all day and do nothing.

I don’t feel playful or particularly happy. It’s more of a neutral feeling border lining on *dramatic depression. If I watched ‘**Spirited Away’, I’d probably weep throughout the whole film.

[*Dramatic depression – The world is falling apart. It’s not really falling apart.]

[**Spirited Away – A very much loved anime by Hayao Miyazaki. It is excellent. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spirited_Away]

There is a disconnect.

Sibby x

**edit – I wanted to explain how I felt but I find it difficult to express it in words. I also didn’t have very much to say.

I still don’t.

Marie Digby – Avalanche

She’s such a great artist!

Hello, ‘Friend.’

Today I realised.. That no matter how much you help a friend out you will never feel appreciated.

You can be the bestest person in whole damn world and people will still be a bit shit. Just remember, it’s not your fault. It’s theirs.

It’s more of a personal issue for me. I can either deal with it or let it get the better of me. Today it’s the latter.

There are three general rules I try follow to make situations like these more palatable.

1. If you lend money or do a favour. Don’t expect it back.

2. Do what is humanly possible to help a friend out because you are a good friend.

3. Keep secrets and watch your mouth. (This one is not a ‘try’. I keep secrets and take them to my grave.)

Seriously. A fucking please and thank you would be fabulous and acknowledge that I helped your sorry ass out.

You’re shit. Sad but true..

Limits. Everybody Has One.

Today I realised.. That everyone has their limits.

There are situations where you know, deep down inside, what the right thing to do is.

You don’t do it.

Instead you’ll hold on till the bitter end when things get hairy. The uglier it becomes, the tighter your grip.

Until there’s nothing left.

We’re dancing with the beast..

Sad but true..

Hiding Behind Smiles

Sometimes the easiest things are the hardest to say

Your heart races as he enters the room. The anticipation of seeing him has had you anxious all day. As both your eyes meet, you can feel a smile across your face and your body temperature rising. Your heart is convulsively pounding out of your chest. And then he gives you a smile and you can feel your feet melt into the floor. You don’t know who he is but it takes all your courage to open your mouth and say the word “Hello”.

One year on and the two of you are the best of friends. You’ve had the best time of your life and know you want to spend the rest of your life together. There are smiles, there are tears but you’ve made it through. Your heart is aflutter and smitten. You can’t imagine life without each other and don’t ever want anything to change.

The next few years are idle. The passion has died and your heart doesn’t race quite as much as it use to. You find that tears far outweigh the smiles and arguments have replaced the affection. There is more pressure from life and you’re not sure you want to be together anymore. You’ve come so far, you don’t want to give it up. His heart is closed and yours is shattered. You’re desperate for a change.

Your heart races as he enters the room. The anticipation of seeing him has had you anxious all day. As both your eyes meet, you feel the tears rush out like a river, filling up your eyes. Your heart is in pain and your mind is a mess. You don’t know who he is anymore and it takes all your courage to open your mouth and say the word “Goodbye”.

It’s so hard to say hello for the first time and goodbye for the last, yet it is too easy.

Source: Youtube

The Shoes Don’t Fit

Today I realized…

That if the shoes don’t fit when you try them on in the store, they are not going to miraculously fit a few months later after you talk yourself into buying them.

I have painful blisters and bits of rubbed-off skin.

Sad but true.

Myself At A Distance

I feel. I feel a bit lost today. At first I thought it was because I was hungry but after I ate I still felt the same.

I also have a lot of free time and when this happens I think about everything. This is bad.

I imagine what it would be like to just disappear and become anonymous in a different country. I would become an adventurer and my new friends would also be adventurers. We’d explore the most remote and dangerous parts of the world and then at night we’d sit around the camp fire, share our stories and fall asleep only to wake up to another day of more exploring. I think that this would be extremely amazing.

Then my thoughts become darker..

What would happen if I was dead. There’s a show I’ve been watching called, “Being Human”. I could be like Sally. My only friends would be other ghosts or supernatural beings. I’d possess other people and do what I like. I would be free of the ‘human condition’ and morals? What morals! Things could get crazy, really really crazy. I’m okay with this.

And then.. I start to feel sad.

I’m not ready to leave this life behind, not yet. I will one day but today I’m going to learn a new song. Link is below.