Love. Because.

And love me, still, when I am difficult.

Sibby x

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Loves Obsession

Without you, I am not myself.

Please stay.

Sibby x

 

The Empathetic Cat

Who am I kidding. Cats do not have empathy. They are patient hunters. They will wait for you to die and then.. They will eat you. Hell. I would eat you if I was trapped in a house with no food and no escape. It’s called survival.

I just googled – ‘cats eating dead owner’ and I came across a website containing graphic images of a half eaten body. Want to see it? http://www.documentingreality.com/forum/f10/cats-eat-dead-owner-51638/

Yesterday I found myself in a traffic jam. I’m half hanging out the window of my little black Rio yelling, “mother fuckers” at the traffic as we hurtled forward in first gear.

Ten minutes later and approaching the end, the cause of the delay became clear. A car accident.

My Thought Process.

At first I was annoyed because there is nothing more annoying than someone getting into a vehicle collision and causing an inconvenience to everyone else who has some place to be.

And then..

I felt sympathetic towards who ever was involved [in the vehicle collision]. My trip may have taken me that extra ten minutes but today is one of the worst days of someone’s life.

Suddenly, I didn’t feel so mad.

Sibby x

Some Days

Run with the Wind by Dappled Cities on replay.

I just want to lay on the floor all day and do nothing.

I don’t feel playful or particularly happy. It’s more of a neutral feeling border lining on *dramatic depression. If I watched ‘**Spirited Away’, I’d probably weep throughout the whole film.

[*Dramatic depression – The world is falling apart. It’s not really falling apart.]

[**Spirited Away – A very much loved anime by Hayao Miyazaki. It is excellent. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spirited_Away]

There is a disconnect.

Sibby x

**edit – I wanted to explain how I felt but I find it difficult to express it in words. I also didn’t have very much to say.

I still don’t.

Marie Digby – Avalanche

She’s such a great artist!

Limits. Everybody Has One.

Today I realised.. That everyone has their limits.

There are situations where you know, deep down inside, what the right thing to do is.

You don’t do it.

Instead you’ll hold on till the bitter end when things get hairy. The uglier it becomes, the tighter your grip.

Until there’s nothing left.

We’re dancing with the beast..

Sad but true..

Hiding Behind Smiles

Sometimes the easiest things are the hardest to say

Your heart races as he enters the room. The anticipation of seeing him has had you anxious all day. As both your eyes meet, you can feel a smile across your face and your body temperature rising. Your heart is convulsively pounding out of your chest. And then he gives you a smile and you can feel your feet melt into the floor. You don’t know who he is but it takes all your courage to open your mouth and say the word “Hello”.

One year on and the two of you are the best of friends. You’ve had the best time of your life and know you want to spend the rest of your life together. There are smiles, there are tears but you’ve made it through. Your heart is aflutter and smitten. You can’t imagine life without each other and don’t ever want anything to change.

The next few years are idle. The passion has died and your heart doesn’t race quite as much as it use to. You find that tears far outweigh the smiles and arguments have replaced the affection. There is more pressure from life and you’re not sure you want to be together anymore. You’ve come so far, you don’t want to give it up. His heart is closed and yours is shattered. You’re desperate for a change.

Your heart races as he enters the room. The anticipation of seeing him has had you anxious all day. As both your eyes meet, you feel the tears rush out like a river, filling up your eyes. Your heart is in pain and your mind is a mess. You don’t know who he is anymore and it takes all your courage to open your mouth and say the word “Goodbye”.

It’s so hard to say hello for the first time and goodbye for the last, yet it is too easy.

Source: Youtube

Myself At A Distance

I feel. I feel a bit lost today. At first I thought it was because I was hungry but after I ate I still felt the same.

I also have a lot of free time and when this happens I think about everything. This is bad.

I imagine what it would be like to just disappear and become anonymous in a different country. I would become an adventurer and my new friends would also be adventurers. We’d explore the most remote and dangerous parts of the world and then at night we’d sit around the camp fire, share our stories and fall asleep only to wake up to another day of more exploring. I think that this would be extremely amazing.

Then my thoughts become darker..

What would happen if I was dead. There’s a show I’ve been watching called, “Being Human”. I could be like Sally. My only friends would be other ghosts or supernatural beings. I’d possess other people and do what I like. I would be free of the ‘human condition’ and morals? What morals! Things could get crazy, really really crazy. I’m okay with this.

And then.. I start to feel sad.

I’m not ready to leave this life behind, not yet. I will one day but today I’m going to learn a new song. Link is below.

My Dysfunctional Heart

Today I realised.. We talk to much and we don’t listen enough, and the crazy thing about it is, is that we can change this.

Take a moment. Breath.

The world must be such a magical place for you. What would it be like to see it through you eyes.

That’s because it is. It is amazing  [the world] and everyone has a story to tell.

I often enjoy lunch alone at a Japanese Restaurant in the city and I have met some amazing people. One of them was a lady by the name of Janine Sheperd and she had an awesome tale to tell.

This is Janine Sheperd http://www.janineshepherd.com/about-janine/ She is an amazing human being.

Whenever I feel like giving up I think of Janine, our conversation and her advice to me.

I’m really glad I shared my food with her.

Next time when you meet someone (and it could just be your mother), will you take the time to listen to what they have to say? Maybe ask questions and get a bit deeper.

Most people probably wont. Sad but true.. (But I hope you do.)

A song to daydream to.

From The Inside Of My Guts

There is a well-known saying that goes, “The Grass is Greener on the Other Side of the Fence”. Sometimes I like to sit on that fence and daydream of what my life would be like on greener pastures and speculate the ‘what ifs’. I have been so extremely lucky in my life that it does get a bit overwhelming and every now and then I still think about leaving everything behind without saying goodbye. They say that when one thinks this way, one has lost control over ones life. It’s not a perfect world and I understand this.

Love me but don’t fall in love with me. Don’t miss me but cherish the time we have. Life is short.

It’s difficult for me to continue [writing this blog]. My experiences I am more then happy to share but my personal feelings I will take to my grave.